HYPERAXE

Well, as a man, I find it akward to post this email from my friend in my blog but my wife is pleading me to do so ..

Marriage (Part I)

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

“I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won’t be home for dinner. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don’t you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?”

His new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o’clock every night… whether you’re here or not.”

( SHE’S GOOD!)

Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, ‘Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.’

“Yeah?” she replies. “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, “Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last.’”

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says, “And you are no good in bed either,” and storms out of the house.

After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, “what took you so long to answer the phone?”

She says, “I was in bed.”

“In bed this early, doing what?”

“Getting a second opinion!”

(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)

Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,” Mother of Six” in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it’s time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, “Shall we go home ‘Mother of six?”

His wife, irritated by her husband’s lack of discretion shouts right back, “Anytime you’re ready, Father of Four.”

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

God may have created man before woman but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

Just for laughs..

Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo andthe place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience, He asks if anyone would like him to play a request.

A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at the top of his voice “Play a Jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!”

Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie’s varied career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes.

When he finishes the whole place goes wild. The little old man jumps up again and shouts “No, no, play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz chord.”

A bit irritated by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord and really tears the place apart.

The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show of his technical expertise.

The little old man jumps up again. “No, no. Play a Jazz chord, play a jazz chord!”

Well now truly irritated that this little guy doesn’t seem to appreciate his playing ability. Stevie says to him from the stage “OK, mister, you get up here and do it!”

The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the mike and starts to sing…

“A jazz chord to say I ruv you…”

Another cool email from a friend! Enjoy!

Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a lamb eat? Leaves and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a kebab is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…Good

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO ? Cocoa beans … another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

Remember, “Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, Savignon Blanc / Semillon in one hand and strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming: WOO HOO! What a Ride!”

For today, I brought my car to the service center for its scheduled maintenance every 10,000 kms. Basically, the service I asked for involves change oil, tune-up, general checkup of parts and body bolts, as well as bleeding the radiator to replace the water and coolant.

I was quite surprised how the prices of the parts and labor increased since the last time I had my car serviced and checked at the same service center. If I’m not mistaken I only spent more or less 2K last time, but now I spent around 4.7K. It should have only been around 3.6K but they had to replace my car’s radiator cap which costs 1.1K. Geesh! Talk about the expenses for car maintenance. It’s like having another child to support, especially if you consider the price of gasoline nowadays.

Anyway, there are also some advantages if you are keen like me with your car maintenance. Like in my case, the mechanics who worked on my car at the service center are impressed with how my car looks. They said that the body of my car is like brand new and even the engine is still clean and running in tip-top shape. They find it hard to believe that my car is 10 years old and had already rolled more than 110,000 kms. but still it looks as if it was just released from their sales center. There are some minor scratches of course, but the shine and luster of the original body paint remains. Even the parts under the hood aren’t so greasy or dusty like most cars of the same model. Oh well, I guess that’s the reward I get for cleaning my car at least 3 times a week (more if its the rainy season), tidying up the engine every weekend, and never missing its maintenance schedules.

But sad to say, I might have to sell my car when my twins are born to purchase an AUV so that my family and I can travel comfortably with more space for us and our things. We’ll see..

Since Aphilo was advised by her OB to go on a complete bed rest and stop going to work for a while, I decided to commute to work for it’s a lot cheaper. If I take my car to work, I usually spend around P200 worth of gasoline, but if I use the public transports, it would more or less just take me P100 a day. It may be inconvenient, especially when it’s raining but I think there are more pros than cons when I commute to work rather than bringing my car, such as being able to sleep and relax while going home and not having to fight my way with wreckless drivers in the streets.

I usually take the bus going home, but this afternoon I decided to take the MRT since EDSA was congested due to the pro-impeachment group rallies at the People’s Power Monument. Honestly speaking, it’s just my 2nd time to ride the MRT and my last ride was around 2 years ago.

Taking the MRT is a lot faster than taking the bus, but it’s a bit inconvenient having to transfer rides 3 times just to get home (unlike the bus wherein it would directly take me home); take a jeep/shuttle service going to the MRT station, take the MRT, and then take a shuttle service to our place.

Oh well, I guess I have to deal with this for a while since it may take some time for Aphilo to go to work again, or maybe even until she gives birth .. but it’s a good time to start adding up to our savings with the amount I save for commuting to work..