HYPERAXE

Damn! I just feel like ranting right now. So pardon me my friends.

Just when I finally decided to get a MacBook Pro and scoured through all the computer shops around the area(Take Note: just walking), I discovered that it’s out of stock and Apple shipments in the country of the specific model (MA895) I’m after is quite constrained at the moment.  Every store I went into told me the same line “It’s an order basis item, and we are not sure when the shipment from our supplier would arrive“.  Some even frankly told me that “It would still take weeks before we would be able to receive stocks of it“. Worst is, some are even asking me a reservation fee, but can’t give me a definite date of when I would be able to receive my order.

Oh well, I just ended up feeling so tired after several hours of walking and ending up empty handed of a new Mac Book Pro. Is this a sign that I don’t deserve one, or it’s really not the right machine for me? I really don’t know, but for now I rest my case and can’t do anything but wait until something good comes up with my search for this very elusive piece of hardware I’ve been longing to have.

When I read some documents about my current company which includes experiences and backgrounds of our people, I can’t help but feel small with the current team I am working with. Compared to their knowledge and experience, I am nothing more than a speck of dust in the IT realm.

Everyone in my team have 10 years or more of experience backing them up, and some of them are considered experts on their fields, considering that they have patented technologies or ideas under their sleeves on different aspects of Information Technology. Some are even invited as speakers for international events to discuss their respective fields of interests.

I never really thought that I am good or I am an expert in my chosen field, but with the current project I am into, the truth that there’s still a lot to learn just becomes more clearer. It’s not that I had taken for granted the fact of continuous learning, but when you’re asked to do something that you’ve never even heard or worked on before, well things become more complicated with your learning process. Added to that the pressure on discussions with your colleagues wherein all of them have a synchronized chain of thoughts about the project, while I am left behind figuring out, “What in the hell are those terms they are using or the technology they are discussing?”. It seems like I’m going to have a nose-bleed each time they discuss stuffs as JTA, JMS, IBM MQ, XA Resoureces, clustering, two-phase commits, JMS queue management, etc.. whew!

Well, though I’m feeling small, this is not something that is putting me down. I’m taking it more of as a challenge to do better and know more. I still have a long way to go, and I just have to make sure that when I get there, I had traveled well.